i have a good friend, diagnosed two years ago with cancer. Every few months we get an update on the status of the growth. now we are in stage four. today it was another bad report, such a dreadful “dis-ease” to experience. I ache.

however, i’m hopeful, prayerful and sick to my stomach at the same time. all  i want to do with her is live in the now and enjoy!

coupled with that, i have another friend who is in a turmoil of addiction. i love him so much, but his addiction to the unholy has and is causing a breach in our relationship. he too suffers with a soul “dis-ease” of lust, perversion, deceit and disillusionment. he struggles to escape but yet the vices keep him entangled. 

i am hopeful, i am prayerful and all i can do is trust God to heal and to deliver, yet i still must stay in the now and love without criticism and condemnation.

yet there is one last friend, this one is lost in a world of insecurity. i wish to have a closer bond but the level of insecurities makes it difficult. this woman; wounded so badly as a child that all the normalise of life skewed her perception. she too has “dis-ease”, deep seeded in her emotions.

i am hopeful, i am prayerful, i am in the moment and i am honest and patient without judgement and scolding. 

thus these precious people; who have cords in my heart has caused me to feel a sadness that causes such a “dis-ease” of anguish, pain and hurt. There are gaps, there are holes, there are longings, there are dreams, and there is much caution. Why? because i love me enough to make sure I stay in a healthy place…..call it fear or self-preservation in knowing not to not get too close and vulnerable: to stay clear in the reality of them all, to protect my mind from vain wonderings and doubts,  to assess my sanity and safeguard my heart…. because in each one of the scenarios, these “sick” condition have potential to rip me to shreds.

yet i am hopeful, i am prayerful, i am finding contentment in knowing ….God CAN bring healing and hope to each LIFE. I BELIEVE THAT….. and it’s my place to boldly declare wholeness and health in body, soul, mind and Spirit!

Going Inward!


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