I got distracted.
I took the bait
I lost time
I lost resources
I let down my standards
I left my post for a second or two.
Naive, deceived, and manipulated.
I trusted too much, should have done more homework.
Hurt, and betrayed, abused and I chose to stay.
Overcoming the shock.
Escaping the anger, slowly……but thoroughly.
Healing continiously…. the wound losses its sting each morning I wake!
Whew….Release; not ruled and bound by the tempting lures of lies and deceit.
Liberated ready to celebrate.
Despite the challenge; Was still covered and protected by God,
Under His wings!
Even more determined!
Regained my focus!
On my post and in my assignment …..I’m back in the game!
Physically, psychologically, relational and corporate!!!!
People all around me praying, standing, talking to me, confronting me,
Boldly! Thank God for them.
They saw what I could not and didn’t want to own as truth!
Thank you to all of you.
I am humbled by your relentless commitment to me.
I’m standing now, full of purpose, destiny is around the corner not aborted!
Truly a hard hit.
Full blown distraction, I let it get me off course!
God my redeemer,
Giving me back ALL the time.
What was lost is being restored NOW.
I learned some more lessons….ENLIGHTMENT.
Still yet, more work to do…a student forever.
This is a life-long process, no room for pride and arrogance… oh no,
NEVER, should I think I’ve arrived…
Each round goes higher, deeper…. I vow to still seek, in classroom called life.
Watch out for the soul enemies: frustration, Woundedness, Unfulfillment and Desperation. They will cloud your vision.
Look only to the proven source, never the current emotion.
God intervened!!!!!! I was blinded.
I fasted, I cried out, I yelled, I screamed, I moaned, I sobbed…
I now understand the some of the struggle of the “addict.”
Wanting to do something different from what one does.
I was not in denial, just ensnared, spinning in a whirlwind of fallacies
COMPLETELY OPENED to all my accountability structures; I even pulled in others for reinforcements. These should be in place before the storm surges.
They instructed, They fussed! They released me to my fate. Never judging or condemning. But standing with me all the way.
It even showed me those who really were connected to my life.
They spoke reality and truth into my disillusionment and chaos.
I know they prayed. I could feel it. They prayed and prayed more than just once, I could tell.
I knew they were nervous; I was too!
I was gone…too far out of the boundaries of their protection!
Nevertheless, God Intervened!!!!!
Only I could wake from the slumber, the spin around and God would bring the change! I did and so did He.
God knew my heart; Saw my grief; Heard the pleas
Understood the strength and cords of the snare.
So glad He loves me. What a revelation of His grace!
I’m happier now…. It was just way too much to handle.
Those few months are a blur, I don’t ever want to revisit but I’m so glad I learned the lessons they offered!
I’m freer now, trotting along, regaining more and more strength!
I’m grateful, I’m humbled and I have more mercy for others.
I’m so sorrowful for those who have the same propensity as I: I NOW UNDERSTAND MORE OF THE STRUGGLE
It is wrapped in all the lies Satan uses to bring destruction and demise.
Identity/self-worth/self-love/purpose/support/pain/commitment to holiness/rejection/failure/and dysfunctions of all kind.
THANK YOU JESUS… for loving me through it all and positioning me more to be A Wounded Healer walking the path with others in their own journey and struggle.
I AM NOT disqualified; I am FORTIFIED with strength and distinction!
I AM JOYFUL,
I AM GRATEFUL
AND I AM THANKFUL…..
TODAY AND ALWAYS!!!!