My heart goes out to an individual I don’t know personally. I only know of her through another person. I wish I could reach out, but making my identity known would only create problems for our mutual connection as the situation is so entangled.
The lady is hurt, wounded, sad, weary and the bad part is that she has no outlet outside of herself. Through the years she has treated others so wrongly because of her bitterness that people seemingly have just allowed her to be to herself.
This is how I know of her; as one shared of ways to reaching her in the state of misery and pity she lives under. Our mutual connection knows of my past challenges and the prison I lived in due to my own areas of violation and abuse.
PRESENT DAY….What is our difference, (the lady and me), but not in my understanding of where she really was… Well for one I was so weary from all the wounds I had to find an escape, she wasn’t there yet.
I deliberately put myself on a new path to find healing and hope AS WELL AS to make a new world for myself. Too much time, years, and broken places in my life had slipped through my hands while I mulled over in all the misery, pain, shame, bitterness, and unforgiveness.
Today as I pondered this lady, I thought… what a living hell….LITERALLY.
I remember the darkness, the sadness, the hopelessness and the wall I hid behind…if anyone even tried to knock it down or come inside I would have bitten their head off with insecurity and trust issues. Not intentionally, just by default of protection.
Wounded and too afraid to be healed, but when my woundedness made me weary with grief… I fought for relief…
Thus my prayer will be for her, that she becomes so miserable she climbs her way out the hole. Not the traditional prayer of healing, help, saving grace I know, but more so of responsibility and tenacity and perseverance to get to the other side.
No pity, in the pain… I understand it takes a made up mind to make a change.