Not my will but yours…
One Sunday morning the sign flashed, they needed a nursery worker for the kids. I sat there. Working with little screaming babies, changing pampers, walking around listening to gibberish was not the way I visioned my Sunday morning activities.
However, I jumped up, and went to the nursery to volunteer my services. I have served in every capacity in the church but I have NEVER worked in the nursery not even for one Sunday.
I didn’t realize that until I got there and noticed how unfamiliar things were; Boy this was different. What was God up in and out of me that morning…..Or what was I running to or from and why did I say yes to this anyway?
I sat in a half-pint chair and looked around. Not having kids of my own and spending limited time with my god-children, nieces and nephews. I psyched myself out for this extended time with all these little people. I was prepared for the challenge and begin to position myself mentally and physically. I went to my car, changed to get shoes and and shirt from my gym bag…. I was set…. but oh was so relieved when the leader said to me; “we are good, we have enough people you can go back to service.” I didn’t want to abandon the mission so quickly, so I politely asked “are you sure” I can wait if you need me to. Really I don’t mind. “LIAR” sounded off in my head. I didn’t mind but I was quite uncomfortable AND going back to the sanctuary was where I wanted to be. She was positive, everything was covered and I was out of there in about 10 minutes.
Wouldn’t you know it, the sermon was about using all your talents and gifts for God. I have to admit, I kind of pride myself on being very adaptable and versatile and helpful. But in a few minutes I knew, nursery work is not one of my strongest points. At least I really don’t think it is. I truly was willing to serve in the capacity needed, even though I don’t even keep my own little people during the 2yr-4yr stage past a couple of hours.
As I reflected, I think God was after something else in me that morning, much larger than a stinky diaper and running noses. It was a simple yes to His will no matter what it felt or look like.
It didn’t stop there, but I received a phone message to fill in in a different servant position that afternoon. It lasted into the early evening….and I surrendered to a different uncomfortable experience. I kept shaking it off and thinking, it would have been easier to just stay in the nursery and volunteered anyway. Oh my goodness, I don’t know how to do any of this. I didn’t necessarily enjoy the task before me, I did it because I needed to do it for kingdom sake.I kept saying to myself, yes Lord, whatever you want me to do. But please hurry up and let me finish.
I must not have gotten it all because when I arrived home around 6ish and lay across my bed; I realized I needed to be on the other side of town in another hour. Those events had totally slipped my mind and I needed a break. It could have been easy to call and give the details of my marathon afternoon, but I kept hearing “swear to your own hurt, you gave your word”
Again, I needed to do this for the sake of others and myself. I was not up to driving across town to get there, nor was I too happy about leaving the comforts of my home, but you now, I needed to and so I did.
The drive home was calm until It dropped in my spirit to call and reach out to a person with whom I was not so ready to do that with. I was so whipped by then, I didn’t even exchange words and so I dialed the number and made the call. To my surprise, the results were favorable and really encouraging. I needed to do that not just for them, but also for me.
When I finally made it in that night. I wanted to do a movie; something pleasurable just for me. I prepped myself to watch and then fall asleep and I heard, No now is not the time. It had its vices in me, I was drawn to pleasure and then sleep. I slowly pushed the remote off and slid on the side of the bed in total surrender. I had to do that then.
In my reflective thoughts, I think I made it okay that day, I wish I had more where I was so obedient and very quickly but it doesn’t always happen with me as such. That day I learned a few lessons and as I continue my journey, there will be things along the way I like but have to decline; and then others that I don’t care for and have to accept. I will experience situations that may or may not cause me comfort or happiness but in the end I will ultimately have peace and joy because I’m obedient to the path God puts me on in the way He sees fit.
It’s a daily yes, hourly, event by event, minute by minute and purpose by purpose, but you know I don’t mind so much now, because as He leads and I follow I NEED TO DO the (THIS), whatever it is.
In my journey inward!
Thanks for all the prayers, notes, calls, texts, emails. My mom is stable and God is moving in her life!