This past week I’ve been intentionally reconnecting with those I’ve had relationships with in the past. I’ve talked with a few and restarted on a new path.
At first it was a bit awkward, just calling someone out the blue and starting a dialogue. What I found was in each call, they too were taken aback but quite pleasantly surprised. One conversation lasted nearly 2 hours. Now for me that was bit of a stretch but I really didn’t want it to end.
That time of bonding rekindled in me a joy and unexpected sense of release. You see, for many years now I’ve been doing life on my own. It’s been all about me, mine, work and success. In some ways I’ve become an isolated human machine. Basically running on deadlines, projects, events, study and work. Relationships were somewhere in there but not high on the priority list.
Then I started believing the lie, I’m all alone, nobody loves me, no one really cares… you know, falling into that victim mentality and hopelessness. But the truth is that I’d abandoned many relationships and pretty much walked out of them. Over time they just drifted into the background of the busyness of my world.
Meanwhile as I’m being complicated in these mind miseries a little two year old, 23 pounder barges her way into my physical space.
She has already overloaded my heart and mind but she’s determined to take it to the next level. She forces herself in my lap while when I try to read, she reaches for me to pick her up at will, she invades my bathroom privacy, she stalks me when I’m dressing, she takes food off my plate when clearly she has her own and now my stomach has become her pillow. I think she’s BONDING in her new relationship with baby sister.
What does one do with all of that? How do you cope? I’ve decided I need to Release, relax and BOND. These precious moments will not always remain. The joy of toddlerhood will one day cease and I’ll long for a hug from a teenager. These priceless snuggle sessions will drift into oblivion and she’ll be on her way to exploring life without my assistance.
In all of the recent activities of my bedrest and the retooling of my life. RELATIONSHIPS have risen to the top. For me it’s a new day. An adventurous journey of learning how to be a daughter, a friend, a cousin, a niece, an aunt, a colleague, a godparent, a sister, a wife, a mother a PERSON!!!!! No longer a machine. Holding deeply to connections, laughing, loving, being open, vulnerable, playful, accepting and full of joy.
So while life is happening around me, I’m adjusting to allowing life to happen with me as a fully engage participant!
Oh what fun! I’m starting to like being bound up with love.